Lately I've been thinking about the experiences Brian and I have had in raising an infant/toddler. Specifically, SLEEP has been on my mind. We have always slightly prided ourselves in our little guy's sleep schedule and routine (well- starting from about 3 months). I know, this may sound overbearing or prideful or stuck up, because I know that anything that has to do with parenting can be a sensitive topic and one that parents tread carefully when talking with other parents. But since this is my blog and I get to write to my heart's content, I'm going to write about sleep training! :) When I say we've prided ourselves on Bubby's schedule/routine, I mean that we have felt mostly content with his sleep patterns and habits throughout most of his life. Now, each baby is different: some babies are fussier than others, some babies have colic, some babies are content to sit and stare and coo happily through anything... some babies have quiet cries, some have loud cries... and some babies are flat out harder to be around than others. Brian and I were blessed to have a first baby that was (mostly) happy; he didn't have colic and he wasn't overly fussy. The most difficult thing we endured with Bubby is breastfeeding. But when it comes to sleep training and setting up routines, I am pleased to admit that Bub has been quite the angel.
I am writing this post for two reasons: 1) Because I like to blog about things as a way to journal them and remember them for later. So this post can be considered a way for me to officially record my sleep training experience with my first baby; and 2) Because I have had friends ask me about sleep training and about my experiences with it. So, for anyone who's interested, here we go!
*First off, let's talk resources.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023
We were introduced to this book by some family members on Brian's side who have used it as a guideline for several of their children. Out of everything I read and tried pre-baby and post-baby, this book has been the most effective in terms of helping Brian and I understand what it means for a baby to sleep WELL. This book explains in detail, according to age, what an infant should be able to do and what parents should be doing to help establish healthy habits. Plus, it accounts for breastfeeding AND formula fed babies. Every once in awhile (and in the first year of Bubby's life, every few months), I pick up the book and read the section(s) on Bub's current age group and learn about the habits he should be establishing or already have established. If we are having trouble with a specific topic (e.g. baby waking up too early in the morning), the book has a lot of great information on how to handle it.
I didn't find this website until Bubby was a few months old... It helped us tremendously!!! Specifically, the chart on this page was an amazing reference for our family for MONTHS. I printed the chart and put it on our fridge, which is where it remained until recently. It uses information/advice from two different sleep training methods/sources, including the Healthy Sleep Habits book. Whenever Bubby hit a new milestone/age group (say, 9 months), I would turn to this chart and use it as a guide ("okay, now we switch from three to two naps and he should have three hours of awake time in the middle of the day").
*Next, let's talk about what we did during Bub's first few months of life.
It took me about a month to get used to breastfeeding. I could tell from the get-go that Bubby's latch wasn't quite good enough, but since he didn't eat very much the first few days (that's normal in the first few days of life since newborns are so sleepy and since their tummies are so little) I didn't worry about it too much. However, after a few days, I started to get really sore- and it eventually got to the point where I couldn't even stand Bubby latching on because the pain was so intense! After meeting with a lactation consultant and my doctor, I was prescribed special cream. I call this my magic cream, because it helped me heal pretty quickly and allowed me to continue nursing without pain. It was wonderful! During these first few weeks, I was stressed out about feedings because I had to pump as much as I could (pumping hurt less than breastfeeding) and also supplement with formula. I knew that if I wasn't able to exclusively breastfeed, then my supply wouldn't stay up and then I would have to accept NOT nursing my baby. Again, I was STRESSED! But thankfully, after about one month, my body healed and I was able to exclusively breastfeed Bubby again. (There were still two other crazy incidents after that... clogged milk ducts.)
Anyway, it seemed like we had a pretty good system going for the next 6-8 weeks. I was happy to be able to nurse, even though I was a little confused as to why Bubby seemed to never get faster at eating and seemed to always be hungry. Brian and I did notice that our little guy was never fully content and that he seemed disgruntled most of the time. Getting on a sleep routine was a trial, because he seemed to only be able to fall asleep while on the breast, and then when laid down on his own he had a difficult time staying asleep. We didn't do co-sleeping, so each night was tiring as I would wake up every few hours to feed (each feeding would take about an hour) and then attempt to lay Bub next to our bed in his bassinet, and then a bouncer (we started with a bassinet, and when he couldn't ever seem to stay asleep in that, we tried the bouncer). Finally, using the swing we borrowed from my sister-in-law, we got Bubby into the habit of sleeping while swinging. This was a relief, because he able to sleep for longer stretches (during the day and at night) while in the swing. It wasn't until our baby was 2 1/2 months old that we found out he was not gaining enough weight. Sadly, a lot- if not most- of his sleep struggles and unhappiness could be blamed on him just being flat out HUNGRY!
After getting over the shock of finding out that my baby had dropped down to the 2nd percentile for his age group, our main goal after that was to chunk him up. Our pediatrician strongly recommended that we supplement with formula, but that I also continue to breastfeed him. I visited with a second lactation consultant to get some more breastfeeding advice. But after being taken aback that her main advice was to beware formula and be wary of my pediatrician's advice, I decided it was definitely best to continue on with our pediatrician's plan and work to chunk Bubby up with breast milk AND formula. If my milk supply was not where it needed to be after almost three months, it most likely wasn't going to get to the proper amount just by pushing through a little while longer. I felt desperate to help my son gain weight and to grow at the rate he needed!
For two more months, I was able to continue breastfeeding my son. Eventually, the formula became the main source of food and the nursing became the supplementary, until there came a time when Bubby decided to stop nursing and simply take the bottle. We were able to continue to feed him some breast milk for a few months after that, since I had a hearty supply of pumped milk stored.
I'm writing the story about our son's breastfeeding experience because it had a huge impact on the way he slept for the first few months of his life. And here's where the climax comes in: As soon as we started supplementing with formula, our baby started sleeping for longer stretches. Also, once we started supplementing, he started SMILING more, and overall seemed happier! Ever since then, he has been our happy, content, energetic little man.
So here's the thing: The most important thing to remember is that babies need to be full!!! They need to eat enough food! Breastfeeding and formula can achieve this. I am pro-breastfeeding AND pro-formula because BOTH worked for our family. :)
Once a baby's immediate needs are met (when they are fully fed, in a clean diaper, and comfortable), then it is time to think about sleep. It was around the time Bubby was 8 weeks old that Brian and I decided it was best to start sleep "training" him. We didn't really call it sleep training back then, but it definitely was a form of training. We quit using the swing cold turkey and put Bub back in the bassinet. It only took about one night of fussiness, then Bubby quickly became used to his own bassinet. Once this new bed habit was established, we felt that we could focus a little bit more on the sleep schedule.
Sleep training
The term "sleep training" sounds intense. What it really is is working toward a goal when it comes to sleep routine/patterns/habits. When Bubby was 2 months old, Brian and I mainly wanted him to get used to sleeping in his own bed, to distinguish night from day, and for him to have his longest stretch of sleep during the night. I remember feeling sheer joy the first time Bub slept for five hours straight... it felt amazing to get five uninterrupted hours!!!
Here's what we did, starting around 8 weeks:
1) I would closely observe Bub's natural sleep patterns for a few days and take notes. (e.g. It looks like he starts to show signs of sleepiness around 9 AM... He sleeps for a longer stretch in the afternoon...) Once I had a fairly good idea about what he was naturally doing at the time, I then decided on a "schedule" (schedule should be decently flexible, since each day is a little bit different) to strive for. For example, from ages 3 months to 6 months, babies should be taking three naps each day, with about two hours of awake time between each nap (again, we used the chart on this blog page: http://www.troublesometots.com/baby-sleep-what-is-normal/). So, at this age, we would put Bubby down in his bassinet every two hours. Ideally, he would sleep for at least one hour during each nap; but if he slept less than one hour, we would just start again. For example, if we put him down two hours after getting up for the day, and he only slept 30 minutes, we would keep him up for two hours and put him down for his second nap then. It was hard not to stress when Bubby wouldn't sleep as long as he was "supposed" to. But eventually, I became a little bit more flexible and just accepted the fact that some days he would have good naps and other days he wouldn't.
The chart from the blog I've been mentioning categorizes different milestones in about 3 month increments (aside from the first 6 weeks). So when Bubby got to 6 months old, I started the process again of taking notes of his natural patterns, setting up an ideal schedule, etc. Then again at 9 months, and so on.
2) Nighttime sleep was the priority. I've heard it said that you can either have a baby that naps well and doesn't sleep well at night, or a baby that doesn't nap very well and is a great night-sleeper. Apparently, we can't have both! :) Bubby has always been a more consistent sleeper at night. Naps have always been more questionable and less predictable (even now, his naps can range from 1 1/2 hours to 3 hours, depending on the day). In our family, night sleep is the most important sleep, because this is when we all get our BEST sleep! So, it was important to us to help our baby establish good habits at night. We did not do co-sleeping, so Bub was always in a bed or swing by himself pretty much from Day 1. Every family is different, but this is what we decided for our family. The few times Bub did fall asleep in bed with me while nursing, I did not sleep well because I was so worried about his safety.
I should note that I believe some babies may naturally be better sleepers than others. Our boy has always been good at sleeping- all things considered- even when he wasn't sleep trained and even when his eating situation was stressful. That being said, I also believe that parents can have the power to help their babies and children establish healthy sleep habits, for the sake of the baby AND the parents.
3) I know we all have different philosophies when in regards to CRYING IT OUT... Here's my opinion on the matter: Before about 8 weeks old, babies shouldn't have to cry it out because they are still getting used to the world and are constantly changing and growing (and they are SUPER hungry!). But after 8 weeks, I believe that babies can be ready for SOME "crying it out". Here's an example of what we did: When it was time for more official sleep training and we were trying to get Bubby to take more official naps and have a somewhat more official bedtime, Brian and I would let Bubby cry for no more than 15-20 minutes in his bassinet. If he was still crying, we would go in, sing to him, rub his head, etc. and calm him down. (If he was acting like he was still hungry, we would feed him a little bit more.) Then we would start over, letting him lay in his bassinet. Honestly, he didn't have to "cry it out" that much at all. Usually, when our family was making a transition (like changing bedtimes or quitting the swing cold turkey for example), it would only take 1 or 2 nights for Bub to get used to the new situation. As he got older, we would let him cry a little bit more if necessary; by the time 9 months rolled around, and all of his needs were met, every once in awhile he just needed to cry himself to sleep. Maybe that sounds harsh to some of you, but he would always wake up in the morning refreshed and happy to see us!! And even at 9 months, if he was still crying after 30 minutes, we went in to check on him and calm him down/reset him in his crib. Sometimes babies and toddlers become OVERTIRED, and nothing besides SLEEP is going to help them- which means that sometimes they need to figure it out on their own. Again, I know that some people have very different opinions on this... But here's the thing: I did not want to be stuck in a situation where my baby was unable to fall asleep on his own in his own bed. I greatly desired for a somewhat consistent schedule and a well-rested baby- because I know that when Mommy and Daddy are also well-rested, they can be a happier, better Mommy and Daddy! :)
If some of you out there believe that these methods do not foster an attached parent-child relationship, think again! Our son knows how to sleep in his own bed and at pretty much the same time every day. He actually LIKES bedtime and snuggles right into his bed with his Marvin and Elmo (Marvin is his monkey) and with his books. He (most of the time) wakes up happy and ready to tackle the day. And every morning as me or Brian gets him from his room, he is ecstatic to see us and wants to talk all about his night, the dreams he had, and about what he wants to do that morning. And guess what? Brian and I are ecstatic to see him in the mornings, too! We've had to work really hard to establish good sleep habits, and in no way are we perfect. But I can honestly say that Brian and I are very happy about the routine and habits we have so long and so hard to form!
Thank you for reading this, whoever you are! I've been wanting to post this for a little while now and I greatly appreciate anyone who takes the time to share in my writing/journaling/life chronicling. :)
<3 Tycie
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