Thoughts on Video Games (Response Post)

My awesome hubby has started his own blog recently (http://videogamerdaddy.blogspot.com/), and he's asked me to write a post for it. In his blog, Brian takes on topics that relate to video games and fatherhood- specifically, on how these two topics can coincide rather than clash. So, here I am responding to a post (http://videogamerdaddy.blogspot.com/2016/01/why-video-games-are-good-my-take-on.html) of his. In this post, Brian explains why video games have played a significant role in his life; why he supports the healthy use of video games as a means of entertainment; and he addresses some of the common concerns associated with gaming. Here are some thoughts I have on the topic of video games:



When Brian and I were dating, I knew he loved video games and this fact didn't really bother me. At the time, I didn't know very much about the types of games he played. The bottom line for me was that gaming wasn't a problem for Brian, meaning that he didn't shirk responsibilities or seem obsessive about them. At this time, I had a somewhat negative opinion about video games. Because I wasn't very familiar with games myself, from my perspective, most people who considered themselves "gamers" were, shall I say, losers? That seems harsh, I know! But truly, it seemed that most of the people I knew who played video games a lot didn't do well in school, were socially awkward, and/or were incapable of sustaining meaningful relationships. Oh, and not to mention a lot of these people seemed to have a problem (in my opinion) with liking violent games a little too much... To be fair, I DID have some friends who played video games and did NOT have these characteristics; I'm talking about the people I knew who were hard core gamers.

Back to my relationship with Brian. Even though the topic of video games was not one of conflict while we were dating, it did seem that we would have to address some priorities. When we were newlyweds, we had a lot of discussions on this subject. Particularly, we discussed our future family and how we wanted to handle video games (and screen time in general) with our children someday. I have to admit, it did take a little while for us to be on the same page. I have never felt that video games have come between Brian and I, nor have I ever felt that Brian puts games before me or our children. However, I did feel at one time that we may struggle setting boundaries and limits with our children someday, since we didn't seem to have the same perspective and opinions about gaming.

Things are quite different now. Here's how Brian and I came to an understanding about video games:

We listened to each other's points of view
This may seem obvious, but often husbands and wives forget that their spouse has a different perspective about things. Brian and I grew up in different families, with different rules. We are two different people, with different talents, interests, and experiences.

Once Brian explained to me exactly WHY he loves video games and why they are so important to him, I felt more inclined to support him in this hobby. I'll let him tell you why games are important to him. :) (http://videogamerdaddy.blogspot.com/2016/01/why-video-games-are-good-my-take-on.html)

Likewise, once Brian understood my perspective- the reasons I was wary of video games- he felt more connected to me and more understanding of my opinions. Like I mentioned above, growing up, I knew several people who may be considered video game addicts. In my mind, violent video games have dangerous potential, and I felt (and still feel) uncomfortable with games in this category. I just simply feel that children and teens (but especially children) should not be heavily exposed to violence in media. I probably don't have to say it, but I will anyway: There is research which shows a connection between violent video games and increased aggression in children, as well as poor social skills and other negative repercussions. (Check out this article from The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-and-Video-Games-Playing-with-Violence-091.aspx.) There is validity to the argument that video games can be destructive. Brian eventually understood that I was truly concerned about children and teens and their video game playing, rather than just out of touch and boring. :)

Once we understood each other more deeply, that each of us has an opinion on this subject based on our own experiences, Brian and I were able to come to a consensus about the use of video games in our family:

We will treat video games the same way we treat all other forms of media in our home--- We will strive to teach our children to use all forms of media and entertainment in moderation, as well as teach them how to recognize media that is harmful to them. 

That being said, I actually truly enjoy video games that involve multiple people and that are appropriate for lots of different ages. Brian and I have decided that these are the types of games we want to have in our home. Just like we want to have movies that can be enjoyed by lots of members of our family.


I feel that my perspective on video games has pretty drastically changed over the last few years. Although gaming isn't my go-to hobby or form of relaxation, I understand and respect why Brian considers them his. I also understand that they can be a fun and stimulating form of entertainment for kids, when used with guidance and moderation (again, just like kids need guidance with all forms of media). However, I will never accept violent video games as a form of appropriate entertainment- partly because of the evidence on them and partly because of my personal aversion to watching violence on a screen.

I'm lucky to have a husband who decided a long time ago that video games are a hobby for him, that violent games aren't his thing, and who wants games to be a form of entertainment our whole family can enjoy.

5 Reasons Having Boys Isn't What I Expected

"Little boy, you remind me how so much depends on days made of now" ("Little Boy", Alison McGhee).

http://www.disneybaby.com/blog/the-best-mother-and-son-quotes/

I'm kind of a girly-girl. I love all things pink, flowery, and sparkly. I was never in the least bit interested in toy trucks, dinosaurs, etc... Dolls were more of my thing. Yet, I now find myself being drawn to the trucks and dinosaurs as well as all things blue; my life is immersed in all things boy. I am the mom of two boys who have completely stolen my heart!

At first I wasn't sure how I would handle a boy. And then after I had fallen in love with my role as a boy mom, I wasn't sure how I'd handle two of them! But little did I know that the second one would be just as precious, just as scrumptious, just as perfect as the first one. In fact, because of these two little people, my heart has grown about 100 sizes. I wouldn't trade my role as their mother for anything in the whole universe.

Here are some things about having sons that have caught me by surprise.

5 Reasons Having Boys Isn't What I Expected:

1) Sons are mamas' boys.

I will forever tell my boys that they are never too old or too cool to hug their mom.

2) Boys are very snuggly.

My boys are so snuggly and kissable, I could just eat them right up!

3) Moms of boys feel a lot of pressure to raise good, noble men.

Don't we all feel that our world could use more men who are kind, thoughtful, and honest? All little boys grow up to be men- moms with sons take their job seriously and often fret over their ability to raise those boys well.

4) Boys are sensitive.

Contrary to what society tries to instill in us, boys are naturally sensitive, gentle, and kind. They receive pressure, as they grow up, to be more "manly", which often implies them "needing" to become more aggressive and less sensitive. No, a true man is not aggressive and insensitive. The men I know who exemplify true manhood (especially my husband Brian) are sensitive to others, kind, thoughtful, and respectful of women.

I feel a huge responsibility to raise good boys in a world that wants them to be bad and tells them that they shouldn't love themselves unless they fit a certain "manly" mold.

5) I often feel that my heart might burst with how much love I have for these boys of mine.

After a day filled with lots of pee, poop (LOTS of poop), chasing, reading, growling, laughing, and snuggling, I watch my sweet boys as they sleep and can't believe that they are MINE- that I get to raise them, teach them, and love them. As much as I wish time would just slow down and let them be little for longer, I can't wait to experience crazy life with these guys and watch them grow into men with their own unique personalities, talents, and dreams.


Nothing could have prepared me for the way I would feel about my sons. I feel a precious little piece of Heaven when I kiss their chubby little cheeks and hold their soft little hands.

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside" (Unknown).

Little Man

Our new little guy has arrived, and he is amazing! Our experience as being parents of 2 has been wonderful so far; I feel incredibly blessed! Here's how Little Man made his debut:

The day of my due date, I had contractions on and off throughout the day. Despite this, I felt great! I had been sick with a cold for almost 2 weeks, but by the time my due date came around, I was feeling much better, thank goodness! (I was really stressed about the possibility of going into labor while being sick!) Anyway, this day was slightly unusual because typically I had contractions in the evening and at night. It was a great day: we went on a big family outing to two different stores; I went on a long walk/run with Bubby; I made a nice dinner; we made sure the house was clean; Brian finished a big assignment for school; and we had a Star Trek-watching session before bed! I kept wondering throughout the day, "is today the day?" But I had been thinking that for weeks, so that day didn't feel very different from the others. I had been told that pumping (with a breast pump) may stimulate contractions... Even though I know most of the wive's tales for "inducing" labor are bogus, I tried this one! Actually, I had been doing it a little bit for a few days. Sometimes I would notice some contractions and cramping come on- when this happened I would stop and see if my body would do anything because I didn't want to do anything too intense. Anyway, I used the pump a little bit this night.

After getting ready for bed, I started to notice that contractions were still coming. We had started to keep track of them earlier that evening, but around midnight they definitely started to show a pattern. For an hour, we consistently tracked and timed contractions. They started out about 8-10 minutes apart and eventually became about 5 minutes apart. They started becoming more intense- not so intense that I couldn't move or talk at all, but intense enough where I had to breathe a little more deeply and where they were unquestionably distinguishable. At about 1 am, I called my midwife office to talk with the midwife on call. (I'll explain my decision to use midwives in another post soon! For now, I'll just say that at my midwife office the OBs and midwives work closely together and share office space. All the midwives are nurse practitioners with midwife credentials. All births, whether with an OB or with a midwife, are at the hospital.) After speaking with the midwife for a few minutes, Brian and I decided that we should go to the hospital. The midwife did tell me that I could wait a little longer at home, but advised that I should probably err on the side of caution and come in sooner rather than later. I tested positive for Group B Strep (this was also the case with Bubby); it is strongly recommended that in these cases, antibiotics get into the mother during early labor, particularly before her water breaks. Plus, since this was not my first baby, it was very possible that labor would go quickly (at least more quickly than the first time around). So, with the decision made, we got ahold of our friends who we had lined up for watching Bubby for us (they were amazing!) and within an hour or so we were at the hospital!

Early labor went pretty slowly. I was dilated to a 4 when we got in, but for some reason my contractions over the next few hours were not picking up very quickly. I was not on pitocin or an epidural, but I was hooked up to an IV for my first round of antibiotics (they give you a round every 4 hours- I had 3 total rounds during labor). Speaking of IV, the nurses had a hard time getting it in... Ow! I ended up having it in my hand. After a couple hours in the early morning of trying to rest, I tried walking around. This worked! I felt great walking around the labor and delivery unit and it seemed to help my contractions pick up. Around this time the midwife also broke my water.

After my water was broken, things really started to intensify! A position I found comfortable was sitting on a birthing ball. Finally, as my contractions really started to get painful and close together, I decided to try using the Jacuzzi tub. This felt nice, but during that time my contractions started to become almost unbearable. Once we got back to our room, the midwife checked me and I was dilated to a 7! I decided that I for sure wanted an epidural, and fast! Thankfully, the anesthesiologist was available right then, and I only had to endure 2 or 3 more contractions until the drugs kicked in. Oh my, that epidural was marvelous! I felt like a new person when that kicked in! And I was still able to feel some pressure and move my legs, but no pain! And that's how I felt through the rest of labor and through pushing. Plus, the epidural wore off so gradually afterward that I hardly noticed all the feeling coming back. I'll say it again: that epidural was amazing!!! :) I was even able to take a little nap!

It took about 2 more hours after the epidural was in to get to a 10. We were all happy that the epidural didn't slow labor down; in fact, my contractions kept picking up after I got the epidural! Once I was at 10 centimeters we tried pushing a few times. The midwife was able to feel that the baby was facing the right way (head-down)- not posterior- yay! (My first baby was posterior until the doctor flipped him with forceps.) After pushing a few times we decided we should let the baby descend on his own for a little longer to help make pushing easier. Another hour-ish of waiting, and I was ready to push! One cool thing about the pushing stage was that I was able to feel the urge to push. (I had not felt that with my first delivery because the epidural was so strong that my whole lower half was completely numb.) I felt an urge to push probably for about an hour or even more before I officially started pushing. This helped tremendously with the whole process! Little Man was born after about an hour of pushing. Everyone in the room commented on how huge his head was and on how much hair he had! I'll never forget that special moment we met this little boy for the first time. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and love as he was placed in my arms- I felt like we had known each other forever!

Brian was amazing during this whole process. He was the perfect coach; he supported me on every decision and he was right there with me, letting me squeeze his hand off during the difficult contractions. It was beautiful to see Brian meet our little man for the first time; I could tell they had a connection and were happy to meet each other.

A few other things about this birth story:

---My hospital gives moms the option of being on the fetal and contraction monitor part-time, but I was required to be on them the whole labor and delivery because the baby's heart rate dropped randomly and suddenly three different times. (They don't want to take any chances when this happens; the baby needs to be monitored at all times. I think it's great that babies are monitored like this.) I was still able to move around and even use the Jacuzzi tub while having these on my belly. There is a device that allows you to walk around while being hooked up; it's small and attaches to the monitors. I carried this around my shoulder when I moved around.

---I had three total rounds of antibiotics. The penicillin hurt going into my hand unless it was pretty diluted with other liquid.

---When my water was broken, meconium (fetal poop) came out with it, which can sometimes be a sign of fetal distress. I was told that most of the time this doesn't turn into anything dangerous, but that a team from the nursery would be in the room when my baby came out, to check his breathing and to help get his lungs/airway clear. Our baby ended up being fine and the team was only in our room for a few minutes.

---I had an amazing experience! Even though it was intense, I'm glad I waited for the epidural for so long. It was liberating to be able to move! And even with the epidural, I was still able to feel my legs enough to change positions in the bed and hold my legs during pushing.

---The midwife was awesome! She was my advocate and extremely helpful. I liked that she was really involved in the whole process. My favorite part about using a midwife was her relaxed and flexible approach, especially with pushing. I was able to be in the position I wanted to be in during this stage. I feel like I got the best of both worlds- a birth in a great hospital where the baby and I were closely monitored, with awesome nurses, and with a relaxed approach where I got to be in control of as much as was possible and safe.


The postpartum recovery this time around had been amazing and not very eventful. I'll blog more about this phase later. :)


I feel incredibly blessed for the wonderful experience this birth was. We have a big, healthy baby and a healthy, happy mama. :)  Our family feels more complete now with Little Man here. And to top it all off, Bubby is doing a great job at the whole big brother thing. Yay!!!

<3 Tycie

What I Want Him to Know

Dear Bubby,

The last two years have been incredibly special. I was extremely excited to be a mom, but no one warned me that I would have a son who is so sweet, so bright, and so loving. I had no idea that I would be so privileged to be the mother of such a perfect little boy. Every day, you change my life. I didn't know that I could love another human so instantly and so unconditionally until the moment I met you and held you. No one told me that being a mommy would make my heart grow 100 sizes! I may not have been totally prepared for motherhood, but you have made me feel that it is the best job in the whole world.

I want you to know that I will always love you. No matter what you do, where you go, nothing can change my love for you. You are literally a part of me! I will never forget how feeling you inside of me made my heart warm, nor can I ever forget how I felt when the doctor placed you on my chest as you were born.

I hope and pray that Daddy and I can provide you with a happy, safe, nurturing childhood and adolescence. I hope that no matter what is going on in your life that you can always come to us with your thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, worries, and mistakes. I hope that you don't forget you are special and wanted and needed on this earth at this time. And lastly, I hope you remember that although Daddy and I love you more than we can describe, Heavenly Father and Jesus love you even more than we do- because you were their son before you were ours.

I love you. I am already so proud to be your mother, to be able to call you MY son. I pray that we can keep our hearts close to one another as you grow up.

Love,

Mommy

FINISHED!

I FINALLY FINISHED! I'm finally a college graduate!!! In December, I finished my bachelor's degree in Marriage and Family Studies. I'm still getting used to this new idea, since I don't yet know what it's like to NOT be in school! I am loving the new found freedom I have, but I also don't want to let my learning drive and momentum let up too much. I have several different hobbies and projects I want to focus on now that I have more time (one of these being growing this blog, hopefully!).

I decided awhile ago that I want to be a stay-at-home mom, at least while I'm in the phase of having babies and young children. Someday, I want to get my master's, but I don't feel it is the time yet. I'm SO happy to be able to focus right now on being a mother and enjoying being at home without school responsibilities.

Although I graduated in December, I decided to wait to walk and officially celebrate until April. So, there will be more updates and pictures to come in a few months! :)


<3 Tycie

2015 in Review

I thought it'd be a good idea to briefly summarize and reflect on 2015, for my own sake. 2015 was a busy, emotionally trying, and exciting year for my family. Here are the highlights/big events from the year:

-We found out Brian was accepted into graduate school (three different schools!)--- He chose a school
-Brian graduated from BYU!!!
-Bubby had a bout of croup (SO sad!)
-We made a trip to visit Brian's brother and his family
-We found out we are pregnant with our second baby (Yay!!!)
-We moved from Utah to Eastern Washington (and lived with family for a few months)
-Brian got his first internship experience
-I made it through my most intense college semester
-We found out we're having our second BOY! (YAY!)
-We moved to a different part of Washington
-Brian started graduate school
-Bubby turned 2!
-We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with family
-I graduated from BYU-Idaho!!!

The year was definitely filled with new adventures and new challenges. And although there were a lot of stresses, there were tons of wonderful blessings and tender mercies. For one thing, Brian and I noticed that Bubby's language abilities grew a TON! For another, Brian and I have grown closer as we've had to rely on each other so much emotionally. I'm honestly glad that 2015 is over, because it was full of unknowns... I felt very ready to welcome 2016, and so far it has been a wonderful new year. :)


<3 Tycie