When Brian and I were dating, I knew he loved video games and this fact didn't really bother me. At the time, I didn't know very much about the types of games he played. The bottom line for me was that gaming wasn't a problem for Brian, meaning that he didn't shirk responsibilities or seem obsessive about them. At this time, I had a somewhat negative opinion about video games. Because I wasn't very familiar with games myself, from my perspective, most people who considered themselves "gamers" were, shall I say, losers? That seems harsh, I know! But truly, it seemed that most of the people I knew who played video games a lot didn't do well in school, were socially awkward, and/or were incapable of sustaining meaningful relationships. Oh, and not to mention a lot of these people seemed to have a problem (in my opinion) with liking violent games a little too much... To be fair, I DID have some friends who played video games and did NOT have these characteristics; I'm talking about the people I knew who were hard core gamers.
Back to my relationship with Brian. Even though the topic of video games was not one of conflict while we were dating, it did seem that we would have to address some priorities. When we were newlyweds, we had a lot of discussions on this subject. Particularly, we discussed our future family and how we wanted to handle video games (and screen time in general) with our children someday. I have to admit, it did take a little while for us to be on the same page. I have never felt that video games have come between Brian and I, nor have I ever felt that Brian puts games before me or our children. However, I did feel at one time that we may struggle setting boundaries and limits with our children someday, since we didn't seem to have the same perspective and opinions about gaming.
Things are quite different now. Here's how Brian and I came to an understanding about video games:
We listened to each other's points of view
This may seem obvious, but often husbands and wives forget that their spouse has a different perspective about things. Brian and I grew up in different families, with different rules. We are two different people, with different talents, interests, and experiences.
Once Brian explained to me exactly WHY he loves video games and why they are so important to him, I felt more inclined to support him in this hobby. I'll let him tell you why games are important to him. :) (http://videogamerdaddy.blogspot.com/2016/01/why-video-games-are-good-my-take-on.html)
Likewise, once Brian understood my perspective- the reasons I was wary of video games- he felt more connected to me and more understanding of my opinions. Like I mentioned above, growing up, I knew several people who may be considered video game addicts. In my mind, violent video games have dangerous potential, and I felt (and still feel) uncomfortable with games in this category. I just simply feel that children and teens (but especially children) should not be heavily exposed to violence in media. I probably don't have to say it, but I will anyway: There is research which shows a connection between violent video games and increased aggression in children, as well as poor social skills and other negative repercussions. (Check out this article from The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-and-Video-Games-Playing-with-Violence-091.aspx.) There is validity to the argument that video games can be destructive. Brian eventually understood that I was truly concerned about children and teens and their video game playing, rather than just out of touch and boring. :)
Once we understood each other more deeply, that each of us has an opinion on this subject based on our own experiences, Brian and I were able to come to a consensus about the use of video games in our family:
We will treat video games the same way we treat all other forms of media in our home--- We will strive to teach our children to use all forms of media and entertainment in moderation, as well as teach them how to recognize media that is harmful to them.
That being said, I actually truly enjoy video games that involve multiple people and that are appropriate for lots of different ages. Brian and I have decided that these are the types of games we want to have in our home. Just like we want to have movies that can be enjoyed by lots of members of our family.
I feel that my perspective on video games has pretty drastically changed over the last few years. Although gaming isn't my go-to hobby or form of relaxation, I understand and respect why Brian considers them his. I also understand that they can be a fun and stimulating form of entertainment for kids, when used with guidance and moderation (again, just like kids need guidance with all forms of media). However, I will never accept violent video games as a form of appropriate entertainment- partly because of the evidence on them and partly because of my personal aversion to watching violence on a screen.
I'm lucky to have a husband who decided a long time ago that video games are a hobby for him, that violent games aren't his thing, and who wants games to be a form of entertainment our whole family can enjoy.
