The reason I'm writing this post is to share some advice about how we can love our bodies-and ultimately ourselves- more! My story isn't super "intense" or "depressing", but I definitely know what it's like to be overly concerned about weight, appearance, dieting, exercise, comparisons, etc. The bottom line is that when a person has low self-esteem or a negative body image, he or she feels out of control in some aspect of their life, and/or struggles with how to cope healthily and adaptively with life's stresses and trials.
I am at a point in my life where I love my body more than I ever have before! This isn't because I'm skinnier than I've ever been, but because 1) I've learned how to stop some negative and maladaptive thinking cycles that I used to get trapped in, 2) I have chosen to accept my body the way it is, and 3) I have more knowledge about the lies our culture/media portrays when it comes to beauty. By no means am I perfect at these things, but I'm proud to say that I've come a long way in my journey of self-love and body-love!
Five Things You Can Do Today to Love Your Body
1) Stop the toxic shame.
Toxic shame is a term I learned in a family theories and dynamics class, but it can be used in many different life situations. Toxic shame is the process of shaming ourselves (or others) for actions we choose or even for things beyond our control (e.g. personality traits). It makes us feel that WE are the problem, rather than a certain action or condition being a problem. For example, when we give ourselves a hard time for "breaking" our healthy eating goals by thinking thoughts like, "great, now my whole day is ruined!" or "I'm such a fattie, why don't I have any self-control?", we are getting ourselves trapped into toxic shame cycles.
Here's a definition of toxic shame from PsychCentral.com:
"Strong feelings of shame stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, causing a fight/flight/freeze reaction. We feel exposed and want to hide or react with rage, while feeling profoundly alienated from others and good parts of ourselves. We may not be able to think or talk clearly and be consumed with self-loathing, which is made worse because we’re unable to be rid of ourselves.
"Unlike ordinary shame, “internalized shame” hangs around and alters our self-image. It’s shame that has become 'toxic'..."
Do you think being hard on ourselves and telling ourselves that we're no good is going to help us achieve our goals, or enjoy our lives? NO! Toxic shame only makes us feel overly guilty (the kind of guilt that causes us to repeat negative behaviors rather than learning from mistakes and making ourselves better because of them) and sorry for ourselves. The first step in loving ourselves is being nice to ourselves.
2) Choose to love your body the way it is RIGHT NOW.
No more of this, "if I just had thinner legs, I'd be so much happier" or "when I lose 10 pounds I'll like my body more". Just NO! These thoughts just set us up for failure. Because guess what? Chances are that even when you do lose those 10 pounds, you won't like what you see in the mirror anymore than you did when that 10 pounds was still on you. Of course, it is healthy for a person to lose weight when they need to ("needing to" meaning that their overall health will be better if they lose weight, according to what doctors advise). But regardless of whether your doctor recommends that you lose weight or not, it is essential to your emotional and psychological health to learn how to love yourself at ALL stages you may find yourself in. When it comes to body-shaming, it isn't about the thinness; it's about the need to feel validated and accepted. But we cannot rely on others to make us feel validated and accepted. At the end of the day, we have to live with the person we see in the mirror; if we can love and accept ourselves, then it becomes easier for us to love and accept others.
Another perk to accepting/loving ourselves: We don't feel as much of a need to be complimented, validated, and approved by other people!
3) See the media for what it really is.
Yeah, it's fun to read junky magazines in check out lines and scroll through our social media pages. But these can become toxic for us if we find ourselves feeling badly about ourselves, because of the COMPARISON GAME. Understand that often, if not most of the time, images (namely, images of people) in the media are not REAL. Ever heard of photoshop? Photographers and stylists are not above "touching" people up and "fixing" them to look a certain way. So if you think about it, the things we see are kind of subtle ways of the media/society telling us how we should want to look and act. Why should we let someone else dictate how we feel about our precious, sacred bodies, or influence how we feel about the bodies of people around us? It's preposterous, but it's a real thing and we all get trapped into it in one way or another. In other words, THERE IS NO IDEAL BODY, and EVERYONE has imperfections that come with the package of being mortal.
4) Eat that cookie!
There is no shame in letting ourselves eat what we want, especially when our bodies crave something! Of course, moderation is key, so it gets unhealthy if we're gorging ourselves on 10 cookies every night. :) But we shouldn't have the mindset that unhealthy foods are bad for us. My husband Brian is great at this aspect of body-love; just the other night, he told me "I don't believe that any food is truly bad for me. 'Bad' for me would be poison. My body needs food and can always use it. Eating too much of anything is unhealthy, but to completely restrict ourselves from certain foods because we're scared of them making us fat is not a healthy way to think about food- the fuel that keeps us alive."
Amen!
For the record, I have lost 50 pounds since the birth of my son. It wasn't through dieting that I got back to my personal ideal, healthy weight- it was through exercise (running)! I do try to eat healthily, but I let myself eat not-so-healthy things along with the healthy stuff!
For the record, I have lost 50 pounds since the birth of my son. It wasn't through dieting that I got back to my personal ideal, healthy weight- it was through exercise (running)! I do try to eat healthily, but I let myself eat not-so-healthy things along with the healthy stuff!
5) Remind yourself of all the amazing things your body can do.
Are you able to stand, walk, run, or jump? Are you able to breathe in and out, all day long, without even thinking about it? Are you able to enjoy delicious food? Have you given birth to a human being? [I have! :) ] Have you recovered from illness? If you can say yes to any of these, you have MUCH to be proud of!!! Your body is amazing and can do hard things! Never forget that your body is precious, a gift, and that it will treat you well in return if you treat it well- mainly by loving it and being grateful for it!
Some of my thoughts from this post have been inspired by Beauty Redefined, an organization working to take back the meaning of true beauty that has been distorted in our society. They have a great post on their page titled "Body Shame On You", which is where I got some of my ideas about body-hate and toxic-shaming ourselves. Check it out!
<3 Tycie
